Old age

With the advance of medicine, median age rose and people are living longer and healthier life, society in general is changing and we are faced with new problems and can’t find solutions fast enough. A very enlightening book I was reading “ Being Mortal” addresses old age. Older population needs compassion and respect as well as stability and good medical care, nursing homes are not the answer to many of us, especially those from the Middle East and the sub continent, my parents generation were brought up expecting that family will always be there to take care of them in the old age, yet life has changed, many don’t have their children living in the same area, nor same country. Others may have their children and their spouses working full time and struggling with their own needs whether financial, emotional, social, or simply finding enough time to do all that have to be done. So taking care of a parent is an additional burden to their already hectic life. On the other hand, many elderly, want to preserve their independence and freedom, refuse to become a burden on their kids and their families. Yet, help is needed but not in the form of nursing homes or assisted living centers. Another problem we face in immigrant elders, is the deterioration of their English language. As I observed in many around me, people revert to their mother tongue, so communication becomes a problem, for both the elders and the staff in nursing homes or hospitals. Medicine can help improve physical aspect of life, but what about the rest, we are faced with a serious problem. What to do? And how can we manage our old age? Do we have enough savings to be financially independent? Our savings might not lasts us more than couple of years in nursing homes, which many don’t accept to live in. We are faced with a dilemma, how can we give our elders their wishes, maintain their lifestyle, maintain the semblance of independence while living our own lives uninterrupted somehow. In modern age, it became very difficult to share a home with a parent, long term care causes financial and emotional burden, having three generations living under one roof is a problem. To be frank living with an elderly is not easy, they want attention, they repeat stories, they interfere, they need help, they refuse to use their hearing aids.. to name a few of the complaints one hears from the other members of the family.. one often hears them say, I want to live my life. On the other hand, the older generation, they expect family to care for them, they immigrated and lost many of their peers, they have few friends, they started losing their English proficiency and at one point in time they can’t live alone and they refuse the nursing homes option. So what to do? In many of the Middle East and subcontinent countries, the problem can be solved with a hired living help, a driver, and relatives dropping by now and then. Hired help are more affordable and even round the clock hired nurses.. is the reverse immigration then is the solution? It’s more feasible financially, and our elders keep their dignity..BUT.. they live away from their kids. And it breaks their hearts, unless it was a decision made by themselves. So here is the dilemma.. For years, I’ve been saying to my friends, we need to find a solution for our old age. We need to establish a place where we can be together, where we won’t be a burden to our children, where we can have the help we needed at a reasonable financial cost, where we will have our dignity, independence and friends with mutual backgrounds and interest. Retirement comes too early, and most live for 20-30 years after retirement. Do we have enough savings to live a comfortable life. Does having our own elderly community resorts help? Can we afford it? In my opinion, quality of life matters. Medicine may give us few more years of life in dependency. Is it worth it? What do you think.. how to solve these issues.