Losing respect of your Middle Eastern man
The worst development in a relationship is when the woman loses respect for her partner, whether it is respect for him as a person or respect of his thoughts and morals.
The married couple relationship goes through many changes as it progresses; some of these changes involve concerns about the partner personality, habits, morals or other people’s influences,
When the male treats his wife rudely, and shows lack of respect for her in private and out in the society, the wife consequently, loses respect for him and replaces it with fear and bitterness.
There are many reasons for a woman to lose respect of her man, when the man acts weak, indecisive, uncertain, and is strongly influenced by his surrounding, the wife goes on the defensive and loses her respect. All women always look for strength in the male, and have high regard with a man with a solid personality.
When the Male shows these sign of weakness, when he is rude and ungrateful, when he is constantly discontent and nagging .when he is lazy or incompetent, if he is stingy or lacks social manners, then the female tends to lose respect and assume responsibilities .
When the male has compromised morals, and have ethical problems, when his approaches to work and family and society in general lack ethics and standard. then not only has his wife lost respect for him but the society in general.
And when a Middle Eastern man loses his wife respect, he reacts by finding ways to punish her, instead of solving the problems that led to such conclusion in the first place.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Middle Eastern men and weaknesses
Middle Eastern men and dealing with weaknesses
The Middle Eastern men hide their weaknesses by raising the voice, blaming others for their incompetence, claiming past victories, ignoring the subject, getting angry, harassing people of lesser status or power.
These mannerisms does exist in all human negative behavior towards failure or a weakness, but it is more observed in the Middle Eastern culture.
Since weakness feature is not acceptable the best way to hide one’s weakness is to become loud, as a sign of forcefulness, others will retreat once faced with unnecessary loudness, to avoid confrontations or to avoid a well known maniac, in result, that person’s self esteem grows and thinks that overcoming his weakness by being loud was achieved. Or if that person has some insight, understands the results of such action and uses it in future situation to hide his flaws.
Weakness is not tolerated for the male in the Middle Eastern society, it falls out of the image boundaries. A male who conveys signs of weakness is not respected by his colleagues, friends or family. Therefore a male will find alternative ways to hide his weaknesses or insecurities; and sometimes fails to understand that strong characters don't need unnecessary forceful approaches to impose themselves
The Middle Eastern men hide their weaknesses by raising the voice, blaming others for their incompetence, claiming past victories, ignoring the subject, getting angry, harassing people of lesser status or power.
These mannerisms does exist in all human negative behavior towards failure or a weakness, but it is more observed in the Middle Eastern culture.
Since weakness feature is not acceptable the best way to hide one’s weakness is to become loud, as a sign of forcefulness, others will retreat once faced with unnecessary loudness, to avoid confrontations or to avoid a well known maniac, in result, that person’s self esteem grows and thinks that overcoming his weakness by being loud was achieved. Or if that person has some insight, understands the results of such action and uses it in future situation to hide his flaws.
Weakness is not tolerated for the male in the Middle Eastern society, it falls out of the image boundaries. A male who conveys signs of weakness is not respected by his colleagues, friends or family. Therefore a male will find alternative ways to hide his weaknesses or insecurities; and sometimes fails to understand that strong characters don't need unnecessary forceful approaches to impose themselves
Middle Eastern men and friendship
Middle Eastern Men and friendship – same and opposite sex
Middle Eastern males bond strongly in a male friendship, as long as the relationship stays away from two areas: Family and money. These are taboos issues, the Middle Eastern man keeps his male friends out of his personal life, away from his family, unless the friendship involves both families, still, the relationship between the male and his friend’s family is governed by strict rules.
Male friendship thrives and grows into a strong form of social network, they help and support each others in time of need, they discuss politics and the world news and finance, they share funny moment but they never go into deeper personal issues, these issues are private and off limits to even close friends.
A Middle Eastern male should preserve his image, even with his closest of friends. He conveys strength, , dependability, and fun. Never shows any sign of weakness or need. The friends support come in time of personal tragedies like death of a parent or sibling, severe illness, divorce etc
As for friendship between the Male and Female of the Middle East, this is still a social taboo, especially if the woman is married; A married middle eastern man may think to have an innocent friendship with a female colleague, but when it comes to his wife having a male friend all hell rises. That implies that his way of perceiving friendship with female, are not completely pure.
Friendship among male and female is more acceptable among the Christian section of the society, as long as they are not engaged or married, once the woman gets engaged to be married she is expected to cut short her male friends and only befriend her husband’s friends in a family outing.
The society still condemn mixed friendship, the fear for honor still dominate the society views, A girl having male friends is looked at as an easy girl, society does not accept such a woman. In a closed society where sex dominates the relationship between male and female, thinking of an innocent true friendship is hard to achieve.
Very few families are open to mixed friendship; social standing and education play a role in the acceptance of such relationship.
Middle Eastern males bond strongly in a male friendship, as long as the relationship stays away from two areas: Family and money. These are taboos issues, the Middle Eastern man keeps his male friends out of his personal life, away from his family, unless the friendship involves both families, still, the relationship between the male and his friend’s family is governed by strict rules.
Male friendship thrives and grows into a strong form of social network, they help and support each others in time of need, they discuss politics and the world news and finance, they share funny moment but they never go into deeper personal issues, these issues are private and off limits to even close friends.
A Middle Eastern male should preserve his image, even with his closest of friends. He conveys strength, , dependability, and fun. Never shows any sign of weakness or need. The friends support come in time of personal tragedies like death of a parent or sibling, severe illness, divorce etc
As for friendship between the Male and Female of the Middle East, this is still a social taboo, especially if the woman is married; A married middle eastern man may think to have an innocent friendship with a female colleague, but when it comes to his wife having a male friend all hell rises. That implies that his way of perceiving friendship with female, are not completely pure.
Friendship among male and female is more acceptable among the Christian section of the society, as long as they are not engaged or married, once the woman gets engaged to be married she is expected to cut short her male friends and only befriend her husband’s friends in a family outing.
The society still condemn mixed friendship, the fear for honor still dominate the society views, A girl having male friends is looked at as an easy girl, society does not accept such a woman. In a closed society where sex dominates the relationship between male and female, thinking of an innocent true friendship is hard to achieve.
Very few families are open to mixed friendship; social standing and education play a role in the acceptance of such relationship.
Middle Eastern men and honor
Middle Eastern men and honor
Honor in the Middle East is a matter of life and death. It is highly regarded.
An honorable man is a man of his word. An honorable man is a man who keeps his family safe. An honorable man is a man society respects and fears. An honorable man is the highest attained accomplishment.
So what happens if the man’s honor becomes questionable?
To defend one’s honor, the Middle Eastern society allows their male population to go the farthest they can go, even to murder those who dared break the code of conduct. A crime defending honor is considered honorable by itself.
All females in the family are part of the man’s honor. That includes the mother, wife, sisters and daughters, even cousins are considered part of a man’s honor, any words or action spoken against those females, any improper implication, any suggestion or allegations of minimal indecencies prompt severe reactions and deadly consequences. When the honor of the Middle Eastern man is challenged he became irrational and loses all objectivity and sensibility.
Honor in the Middle East is a matter of life and death. It is highly regarded.
An honorable man is a man of his word. An honorable man is a man who keeps his family safe. An honorable man is a man society respects and fears. An honorable man is the highest attained accomplishment.
So what happens if the man’s honor becomes questionable?
To defend one’s honor, the Middle Eastern society allows their male population to go the farthest they can go, even to murder those who dared break the code of conduct. A crime defending honor is considered honorable by itself.
All females in the family are part of the man’s honor. That includes the mother, wife, sisters and daughters, even cousins are considered part of a man’s honor, any words or action spoken against those females, any improper implication, any suggestion or allegations of minimal indecencies prompt severe reactions and deadly consequences. When the honor of the Middle Eastern man is challenged he became irrational and loses all objectivity and sensibility.
Middle Eastern men and abuse
Middle Eastern men and abuse
Abuse comes in different shapes and forms, form physical abuse to domestic violence, to verbal insults and moral abuse.
Treating women badly, making them inferior to men, verbal abuse, demoting and downgrading women intelligence is demeaning and degrading to the female population in general.
A Middle Eastern man has the freedom of abusing and injecting violent behavior on his family without society interference, in most cases when the male is overwhelmed by conditions outside his home he finds a refuge in taking it out on his wife and children, and sometimes even abuse them knowing that he will not be punished for such a behavior, although, religious teaching state otherwise, but wrongful understanding and society tolerance for such behaviors gave men the upper hand.
Sexiest Male jokes are demeaning to the female status; those jokes are wildly acceptable among the males in the Middle Eastern society. (Same as the blond jokes in the west, where most females are blond and smart and those jokes are demeaning to say the least)
Abuse comes in different shapes and forms, form physical abuse to domestic violence, to verbal insults and moral abuse.
Treating women badly, making them inferior to men, verbal abuse, demoting and downgrading women intelligence is demeaning and degrading to the female population in general.
A Middle Eastern man has the freedom of abusing and injecting violent behavior on his family without society interference, in most cases when the male is overwhelmed by conditions outside his home he finds a refuge in taking it out on his wife and children, and sometimes even abuse them knowing that he will not be punished for such a behavior, although, religious teaching state otherwise, but wrongful understanding and society tolerance for such behaviors gave men the upper hand.
Sexiest Male jokes are demeaning to the female status; those jokes are wildly acceptable among the males in the Middle Eastern society. (Same as the blond jokes in the west, where most females are blond and smart and those jokes are demeaning to say the least)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Middle Eastern men and Love
Middle Eastern men and fear of love:
In the eyes of society; a male who admits Love has a flow of character, the Middle Eastern man should avoid the trap, could not trust a woman, and finds it hard to show emotion. And whenever he is falling for a woman, he revises his approaches and denies his feelings and tries to escape; Fearing from the surge of emotions, and fearing to sin.
This fear is the result of his upbringing, society pressure and lack of proper understanding of religion.
The Fear of commitment after a bad relationship is a general feature in all human being, but couples it along with the huge ego of the Middle Eastern men, and then the issue has a deeper effect.
The ego as well as the fear of showing the sentimental part of their personalities coupled with the fear of showing any weakness or hurt or need for others. As a result, the ability of Middle Eastern men to trust diminishes and all past learned experiences are applied towards new ones, despite the new partner intention or lack of knowledge of prior experiences.
In the eyes of society; a male who admits Love has a flow of character, the Middle Eastern man should avoid the trap, could not trust a woman, and finds it hard to show emotion. And whenever he is falling for a woman, he revises his approaches and denies his feelings and tries to escape; Fearing from the surge of emotions, and fearing to sin.
This fear is the result of his upbringing, society pressure and lack of proper understanding of religion.
The Fear of commitment after a bad relationship is a general feature in all human being, but couples it along with the huge ego of the Middle Eastern men, and then the issue has a deeper effect.
The ego as well as the fear of showing the sentimental part of their personalities coupled with the fear of showing any weakness or hurt or need for others. As a result, the ability of Middle Eastern men to trust diminishes and all past learned experiences are applied towards new ones, despite the new partner intention or lack of knowledge of prior experiences.
Middle Eastern men and arguments
Middle Eastern men and arguments:
It is such a precious time to sit and watch few men discussing any issue in a social environment, to hear the tone of their voices rising to make their opinion heard, the loudest is the one who wants others to follow his lead and the most stubborn and might be the less educated on the matter of them all.
It is fascinating to hear the stubbornness in male arguments, to see their inability to accept or to hear others opinion, it is almost impossible to conduct any discussion. For example: When Middle Eastern men are arguing differences or opposite point of view on any political issues one can not hear objectivity and calmness, all there is to it at the end is raising voices and deeper differences. one can see this clearly in any Arab political TV broadcast
The inability to conduct an argument in an objective and serene manner is seen in all aspects of daily life, from home, to work, to negotiations, to politics.
At home it has a devastating effect on the relationship between the male, head of the household and his wife and children. It is where this inability to hear the other comes in strongest, the male knows he is the sole ruler and the final authority, knowing so gives him more power to exercise and enforce his own views, on any daily life subject. from visits to career choices
It is such a precious time to sit and watch few men discussing any issue in a social environment, to hear the tone of their voices rising to make their opinion heard, the loudest is the one who wants others to follow his lead and the most stubborn and might be the less educated on the matter of them all.
It is fascinating to hear the stubbornness in male arguments, to see their inability to accept or to hear others opinion, it is almost impossible to conduct any discussion. For example: When Middle Eastern men are arguing differences or opposite point of view on any political issues one can not hear objectivity and calmness, all there is to it at the end is raising voices and deeper differences. one can see this clearly in any Arab political TV broadcast
The inability to conduct an argument in an objective and serene manner is seen in all aspects of daily life, from home, to work, to negotiations, to politics.
At home it has a devastating effect on the relationship between the male, head of the household and his wife and children. It is where this inability to hear the other comes in strongest, the male knows he is the sole ruler and the final authority, knowing so gives him more power to exercise and enforce his own views, on any daily life subject. from visits to career choices
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
More Issues
More issues to discuss
Middle Eastern men and Arguments
Middle Eastern men and Fear of Love
Middle Eastern men and Abuse
Middle Eastern men and Honor
Middle Eastern men and Friendship (same and opposite sexes)
Middle Eastern men and accepting Support
Dealing with Weaknesses
Women Success
Losing Respect for your Middle Eastern male
Middle Eastern men and Arguments
Middle Eastern men and Fear of Love
Middle Eastern men and Abuse
Middle Eastern men and Honor
Middle Eastern men and Friendship (same and opposite sexes)
Middle Eastern men and accepting Support
Dealing with Weaknesses
Women Success
Losing Respect for your Middle Eastern male
The Image
6- The Image:
This is the final component in the factors shaping the Middle Eastern male personality.
Personal Image is important for every human being; people market themselves through their image. How one is perceived and how one is portrayed and how one likes other to see him are the major component of personal image.
In Business, A company looks for smart, energetic, sharp, elegant, self assured person to hire, to portray the company’s image and to reach to the masses. But sometimes image deceives, what the company wants us to think is not what it really is, and that goes for people in real life situation too.
For Middle Eastern men this is no difference but image holds a priority; as well as that the Middle Eastern society obliges their male’s image to reflect certain values. That is why the image here holds a bigger more important aspect to it; the Middle Eastern man image should be one of a strong, powerful, knowledgeable, mature, funny, family man, one that people seek for advice and favors.
A perfect image where any remote hint of failure is not allowed, any normal or medium achievement are considered as failure in the society, only success is expected from all population!!! Isn’t that ironic, where most of the population only achieves failure by global standards!!
Unfortunately, even those with limited mediocre qualities, think of themselves as perfect, and behave accordingly, which makes it even harder for people around them to confront them with the truth and the reality, such confrontation is unheard of in the Middle Eastern culture. One can mimic, joke and criticize but never in the face of the person in question.
As one can expect, the image here reflects personal achievements, a young Middle Eastern man is eager to achieve success, each and every ones regard success from his point of view, but it mainly contains quick financial success. The unduly success usually leads to arrogance, and to the envy of others, this lethal combination usually leads to decline and failure eventually. (The rise and fall of a shiny star).
Unfortunately, The Image concept varied and deviated from its original target, where it was supposed to give incentive to become a better human being, to have strong values and to apply those values in each and every aspect of life, we now see that image only promotes personal gains despite ethics and values. We see young men using all means to reach fast monetary and materialistic rewards despite the fact of their ineligibility for such rewards; Or of their lack of ethics.
This is the final component in the factors shaping the Middle Eastern male personality.
Personal Image is important for every human being; people market themselves through their image. How one is perceived and how one is portrayed and how one likes other to see him are the major component of personal image.
In Business, A company looks for smart, energetic, sharp, elegant, self assured person to hire, to portray the company’s image and to reach to the masses. But sometimes image deceives, what the company wants us to think is not what it really is, and that goes for people in real life situation too.
For Middle Eastern men this is no difference but image holds a priority; as well as that the Middle Eastern society obliges their male’s image to reflect certain values. That is why the image here holds a bigger more important aspect to it; the Middle Eastern man image should be one of a strong, powerful, knowledgeable, mature, funny, family man, one that people seek for advice and favors.
A perfect image where any remote hint of failure is not allowed, any normal or medium achievement are considered as failure in the society, only success is expected from all population!!! Isn’t that ironic, where most of the population only achieves failure by global standards!!
Unfortunately, even those with limited mediocre qualities, think of themselves as perfect, and behave accordingly, which makes it even harder for people around them to confront them with the truth and the reality, such confrontation is unheard of in the Middle Eastern culture. One can mimic, joke and criticize but never in the face of the person in question.
As one can expect, the image here reflects personal achievements, a young Middle Eastern man is eager to achieve success, each and every ones regard success from his point of view, but it mainly contains quick financial success. The unduly success usually leads to arrogance, and to the envy of others, this lethal combination usually leads to decline and failure eventually. (The rise and fall of a shiny star).
Unfortunately, The Image concept varied and deviated from its original target, where it was supposed to give incentive to become a better human being, to have strong values and to apply those values in each and every aspect of life, we now see that image only promotes personal gains despite ethics and values. We see young men using all means to reach fast monetary and materialistic rewards despite the fact of their ineligibility for such rewards; Or of their lack of ethics.
Approaches: depression
8- Depression:
As a result of failing many different approaches; Many female become depressed as a result of a lifetime full of rejections and undermining her humanity, her abilities and her intelligence.
Depressed women are frequent in the Middle Eastern societies. They rest their arms, and stop fighting and let life role, without them being neither participants nor movers.
As a result of failing many different approaches; Many female become depressed as a result of a lifetime full of rejections and undermining her humanity, her abilities and her intelligence.
Depressed women are frequent in the Middle Eastern societies. They rest their arms, and stop fighting and let life role, without them being neither participants nor movers.
Approaches: palyful approach
7- Playful approach:
Many women are brought up and taught to use the playful approach with their male to achieve their means. Using sexual approaches to achieve female purposes are a common way Middle Eastern women use. It may sound degrading to my ears and to many non- Middle Eastern readers but in a closed society where sexuality issues are taboos and where sex dominate and rule, it is only natural for an unprivileged woman to use it to her advantage, to ask for her needs, and to achieve supremacy in her relation with her male.
Many women are brought up and taught to use the playful approach with their male to achieve their means. Using sexual approaches to achieve female purposes are a common way Middle Eastern women use. It may sound degrading to my ears and to many non- Middle Eastern readers but in a closed society where sexuality issues are taboos and where sex dominate and rule, it is only natural for an unprivileged woman to use it to her advantage, to ask for her needs, and to achieve supremacy in her relation with her male.
Approaches: Direct Approach
6- Direct approach:
The least successful approach is the direct approach. Middle Eastern men don’t like to be confronted whether by certain realities or differences of opinions or by their mistakes. A woman who chooses this approach is either at her wits end or naïve enough to think she can discuss matters in a civilized way and achieve results. Men in such cases use one of two strategies, either listen and ignore (let her talk, it changes nothing) or becoming violent and dismissive (the less educated and polished males)
Very few regard honesty and truthfulness in the direct approach as the easiest and the most respected approach, in my personal opinion when a woman really respect her male, honesty and truthfulness are the only way of dialogue.
The least successful approach is the direct approach. Middle Eastern men don’t like to be confronted whether by certain realities or differences of opinions or by their mistakes. A woman who chooses this approach is either at her wits end or naïve enough to think she can discuss matters in a civilized way and achieve results. Men in such cases use one of two strategies, either listen and ignore (let her talk, it changes nothing) or becoming violent and dismissive (the less educated and polished males)
Very few regard honesty and truthfulness in the direct approach as the easiest and the most respected approach, in my personal opinion when a woman really respect her male, honesty and truthfulness are the only way of dialogue.
Approaches: Defiance
5- Defiance:
Is the suicidal approach, it rarely pays off, unless the male is in need of his woman, then she uses her approach to her benefit knowing that finally she can defy the male dominance and break it down. This approach indicate two different scenarios:
One that is the woman lost all respect to her male and uses his need to her advantage;
Or that the female was pushed to a point of no compromises, and then outcomes and consequences don’t really matter.
Is the suicidal approach, it rarely pays off, unless the male is in need of his woman, then she uses her approach to her benefit knowing that finally she can defy the male dominance and break it down. This approach indicate two different scenarios:
One that is the woman lost all respect to her male and uses his need to her advantage;
Or that the female was pushed to a point of no compromises, and then outcomes and consequences don’t really matter.
Approaches: selfishness
4- Selfishness
A selfish woman uses her manipulative powers to their utmost capabilities. Only when the male counterpart has very low self esteem, and has an extremely weak personality a relationship thrives. A selfish woman cares only about her needs and happiness and uses her male to accomplish her needs regardless of the outcomes. A male might keep the relation going but eventually looks for happiness and dominance and pampering in other venues
A selfish woman uses her manipulative powers to their utmost capabilities. Only when the male counterpart has very low self esteem, and has an extremely weak personality a relationship thrives. A selfish woman cares only about her needs and happiness and uses her male to accomplish her needs regardless of the outcomes. A male might keep the relation going but eventually looks for happiness and dominance and pampering in other venues
carelessness note
Other reasons than being financially and socially secure, sometime getting older and life experience prompt the women carelessness towards her male partner, or simply the woman has exhausted all means, burned out and can't give any more to the relationship.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Approaches: carelessness
3-Carelessness:
A careless approach to male dominance is rarely seen, when a woman chooses this path, she stops caring about her male. And in most of the cases relationships are destroyed, A Middle Eastern male does not accept a relationship where he is not cared for, pampered and obeyed.
A woman who chooses such approach is financially secured, and is able to survive socially and financially without any fear.
A careless approach to male dominance is rarely seen, when a woman chooses this path, she stops caring about her male. And in most of the cases relationships are destroyed, A Middle Eastern male does not accept a relationship where he is not cared for, pampered and obeyed.
A woman who chooses such approach is financially secured, and is able to survive socially and financially without any fear.
Approaches: manipulation
2- Manipulation:
Which is the largely used approach, where the female is outsmarting her male, knows how, where and when to run their lives the way she intends to run it, it takes a smart woman to understand and use her male weaknesses to her advantage, it also takes a lot of patience and planning, unfortunately it is a waste of a lot of positive energy. Most males on the other hand enjoy, know and understand the process and give in willingly and happily. It is a special dance between the two, where each knows and understands and accepts the rules. This reflects the infantile side of the male psyche where he shows his need to be guided and looked after, tended and nursed. (Mothered)
Women use different manipulative techniques ranging from lying to tearful approaches to pretending ignorance and incapability
Which is the largely used approach, where the female is outsmarting her male, knows how, where and when to run their lives the way she intends to run it, it takes a smart woman to understand and use her male weaknesses to her advantage, it also takes a lot of patience and planning, unfortunately it is a waste of a lot of positive energy. Most males on the other hand enjoy, know and understand the process and give in willingly and happily. It is a special dance between the two, where each knows and understands and accepts the rules. This reflects the infantile side of the male psyche where he shows his need to be guided and looked after, tended and nursed. (Mothered)
Women use different manipulative techniques ranging from lying to tearful approaches to pretending ignorance and incapability
Approaches: obedience
1- Complete and total obedience:
Which is the approach mostly preferred by men, where the women completely obey his rules, never discuss or argue, never contradict, and regard the male as the total and complete master of the household, and bring up her children in the same way to regard their father as the one and only authority. In such cases the female is brought up in a very closed and severe household, many are inferior to their male counterpart, socially, financially and educationally. The women in such household cannot fetch for themselves, and have no mean to survive without the protection of the male in their lives. Women who refuse to be completely obedient may end up with severe psychological disorders and depression. Others who accept their destiny and are thankful for the male providing are happy and believe that their homes are their heavenly kingdoms.
Which is the approach mostly preferred by men, where the women completely obey his rules, never discuss or argue, never contradict, and regard the male as the total and complete master of the household, and bring up her children in the same way to regard their father as the one and only authority. In such cases the female is brought up in a very closed and severe household, many are inferior to their male counterpart, socially, financially and educationally. The women in such household cannot fetch for themselves, and have no mean to survive without the protection of the male in their lives. Women who refuse to be completely obedient may end up with severe psychological disorders and depression. Others who accept their destiny and are thankful for the male providing are happy and believe that their homes are their heavenly kingdoms.
Women approaches
Ways Middle Eastern women follow in their approach to their men:
although while talking about those approaches I deviate from the Male to Female behaviors, still by doing so one can realize the impact and results of these approaches on male psyche.
I will list them below and then go in details later
1- complete and total obedience
2- manipulation
3- carelessness
4- selfishness
5- Defiance
6- Direct approach
7- playful approach
8- depression
although while talking about those approaches I deviate from the Male to Female behaviors, still by doing so one can realize the impact and results of these approaches on male psyche.
I will list them below and then go in details later
1- complete and total obedience
2- manipulation
3- carelessness
4- selfishness
5- Defiance
6- Direct approach
7- playful approach
8- depression
The Women
5-The women
The women in the eastern societies are equipped with the skills and expertise and experiences to understand, comprehend and deal with their male.
When females fail to do so, then it will cause them difficulties until they learn and are well acquainted with the right approaches. Unlike the simple direct approach used in the western societies, a female in the east should avoid the direct straight approach unless it is an extreme necessity, simply to make life easier for her, and to be able to achieve the desired results.
Boy that is a lot of work!!
We should keep in mind that being in the wrong is equivalent to failure for the male psyche.
How is a wife, a sister or a daughter had to deal with such situations? How can a smart woman approach her loved male and explain to him that admitting being wrong does not mean failure,
How can the female approach him in the first place, here are the many ways Middle Eastern females use during their lives, and that lead us to the old saying: “husbands are the products of their wives handling”
Before enlisting the different approaches, I want to state a personal opinion.
I may not approve of the indirect approaches, I wasn’t and I always chose the direct one, for me it meant self respect and respect for my husband’ intelligence. But truthfully, the winners were the women who understood the Middle Eastern male psyche and used different approaches.
The women in the eastern societies are equipped with the skills and expertise and experiences to understand, comprehend and deal with their male.
When females fail to do so, then it will cause them difficulties until they learn and are well acquainted with the right approaches. Unlike the simple direct approach used in the western societies, a female in the east should avoid the direct straight approach unless it is an extreme necessity, simply to make life easier for her, and to be able to achieve the desired results.
Boy that is a lot of work!!
We should keep in mind that being in the wrong is equivalent to failure for the male psyche.
How is a wife, a sister or a daughter had to deal with such situations? How can a smart woman approach her loved male and explain to him that admitting being wrong does not mean failure,
How can the female approach him in the first place, here are the many ways Middle Eastern females use during their lives, and that lead us to the old saying: “husbands are the products of their wives handling”
Before enlisting the different approaches, I want to state a personal opinion.
I may not approve of the indirect approaches, I wasn’t and I always chose the direct one, for me it meant self respect and respect for my husband’ intelligence. But truthfully, the winners were the women who understood the Middle Eastern male psyche and used different approaches.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
the Upbringing
4 -The upbringing
In our society the male is brought up to be extremely confident and self assured –that is the goal-, this upbringing may cause an opposite results and the male becomes insecure, whatever the results turned out, whether becoming a person with a strong personality or an insecure person, the male in the middle eastern society will not submit the fact that he may be in the wrong, or that there might be other ways to achieve the same goals, or that each person is entitled to his or her own opinion no matter of the outcome, in his own opinion there is no ways better than his own, and no other opinions matter, even when the realities prove him mistaken, it is extremely rare that we can see the male admits to be incorrect or changes his ways or approaches.
The rule of thumb in the eastern societies is; never confront a male of his mistakes.
This leads me to the upbringing issue
Growing up I used to hear the eldest in the family saying:
Your husband is the product of how you treat him, while your son is the product of how you raise him
This is proven to be absolutely true.
The psyche of the Middle Eastern male is the product of their mothers many mistakes in their upbringing, as well as the product of the society that influenced male righteous strong image.
For example:
When a little boy falls down and comes running crying to his mother’s lap, she firmly tells him;
A man never cries.
You are too strong to be hurt from this little fall. A man feels no pain
A man shows no pain,
A man does not display hurt
If a little boy is scared from the dark or from a big dog in the neighborhood, or from strange sounds at night, the response will be
A man shows no fear
A man is never afraid
In my personal opinion, this is extreme. This little boy grows up to become a man with too many incorrect expectation, his psyche is loaded with wrong approaches, these saying are engraved in his soul, and growing up he starts applying them in all aspects of his life. It will be hard for him to show fear, to show emotions, to admit being hurt, to admit ignorance. What make matters worse is that he is completely unaware of all the flaws in his personality.
Which leads us back to my question: how a smart woman will approach her male??
The key word is SMART.
Smart does not necessarily mean an educated person. It is about being socially smart, understanding the male psyche and knowing how to deal with it. And that leads us to the fifth component affecting the psyche of Middle Eastern men.
In our society the male is brought up to be extremely confident and self assured –that is the goal-, this upbringing may cause an opposite results and the male becomes insecure, whatever the results turned out, whether becoming a person with a strong personality or an insecure person, the male in the middle eastern society will not submit the fact that he may be in the wrong, or that there might be other ways to achieve the same goals, or that each person is entitled to his or her own opinion no matter of the outcome, in his own opinion there is no ways better than his own, and no other opinions matter, even when the realities prove him mistaken, it is extremely rare that we can see the male admits to be incorrect or changes his ways or approaches.
The rule of thumb in the eastern societies is; never confront a male of his mistakes.
This leads me to the upbringing issue
Growing up I used to hear the eldest in the family saying:
Your husband is the product of how you treat him, while your son is the product of how you raise him
This is proven to be absolutely true.
The psyche of the Middle Eastern male is the product of their mothers many mistakes in their upbringing, as well as the product of the society that influenced male righteous strong image.
For example:
When a little boy falls down and comes running crying to his mother’s lap, she firmly tells him;
A man never cries.
You are too strong to be hurt from this little fall. A man feels no pain
A man shows no pain,
A man does not display hurt
If a little boy is scared from the dark or from a big dog in the neighborhood, or from strange sounds at night, the response will be
A man shows no fear
A man is never afraid
In my personal opinion, this is extreme. This little boy grows up to become a man with too many incorrect expectation, his psyche is loaded with wrong approaches, these saying are engraved in his soul, and growing up he starts applying them in all aspects of his life. It will be hard for him to show fear, to show emotions, to admit being hurt, to admit ignorance. What make matters worse is that he is completely unaware of all the flaws in his personality.
Which leads us back to my question: how a smart woman will approach her male??
The key word is SMART.
Smart does not necessarily mean an educated person. It is about being socially smart, understanding the male psyche and knowing how to deal with it. And that leads us to the fifth component affecting the psyche of Middle Eastern men.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
religon article
I came upon this explanation while browsing the net, and I found it quite interesting and worth adding in this section, it confirms my views about misunderstanding religion and its affect on the Male upbringing and behaviors.
This BBC article prompted the author reply, although BBC reporter touched some truth but failed to scratch the surface of the Syrian society
Please read the link below
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/8460522.stm
This BBC article prompted the author reply, although BBC reporter touched some truth but failed to scratch the surface of the Syrian society
Please read the link below
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/8460522.stm
The religion
3- The religion
Religion is always the victim of ignorance. Misinterpretation of religious teachings within ignorant societies leads to wrongful application of their teachings.
No matter what religion a Middle Eastern male is from, his behaviors, expectations and dominance stays the same.Simply because the society is mostly governed by customs and not by religious implementation.
Apart from worship and family laws that differ from one religion to the other, people of the Middle East lived according to customs.
Ex: Honor crimes were practiced amongst all sectors, no matter what religion they follow.
Middle Eastern societies are formed mainly by Muslims population; Christians and Jews lived within the societies and their customs are in many Middle Eastern countries similar to those of the Muslim sector.
I will be speaking mainly about Islam since it is the dominant religion in the area, and it influenced the lives of other religious sectors of the society.
Islam to begin with, is a peaceful religion. Its follower’s cohabited the area with the rest of the population peacefully, Christians and Jews felt safe and their communities flourished, adapted and adopted the Muslim’s life style.
Religions in General gave male the responsibilities of providing and protecting his family. Humans misunderstanding Gods words, used their interpretation to the male advantage.
In Islam, Male and Female are equal before God in duties and responsibilities, so why when punishments and rewards are equal, society treated men differently, why did it accept certain behaviors from its male component and condemned them from the female. This is where the misunderstanding of religious teachings is manifested.
Islam gave women freedom, gave them independence and total control of their finances.
It gave them right to work, to knowledge and to education.
It gave the women right to chose, accept or denounce a suitor.
It gave the woman right to end an unhappy, distressful marriage without consequences.
To put it simply, Islam gave the woman complete control over her life. respect, education, marriage, Finance and divorce, the women have it all under God's law.
Unfortunately, in ignorant societies those rights were abolished under the name of religion. Men abused their rights, they abused God’s teachings
For instance, many argue about polygamy in Islam.
Polygamy in history was a norm. Men married multiple ladies in order to have many sons. When Islam came it limited that arrangement to maximum of four and only under very severe circumstances. Such as the first wife blessing, fair treatment to all, and loving them equally and one can never love two people equally. Islam did not forbid multiple marriages at once, but made sure it is regulated and is hard to achieve. Male on the other hand chose to disregard the teaching and only accommodated the part of being able to marry four women.
Inheritance law by instance is meant to keep the family ties strong, to make the brother responsible for his sisters’ well being, to keep family closely knotted.
Religious teaching whether well understood and implemented or wrongly interpreted played a major role in shaping the Middle Eastern Male. Along with traditions and customs, the three different yet same religion followers of the area were shaped into very special distinctive characters.
Religion is always the victim of ignorance. Misinterpretation of religious teachings within ignorant societies leads to wrongful application of their teachings.
No matter what religion a Middle Eastern male is from, his behaviors, expectations and dominance stays the same.Simply because the society is mostly governed by customs and not by religious implementation.
Apart from worship and family laws that differ from one religion to the other, people of the Middle East lived according to customs.
Ex: Honor crimes were practiced amongst all sectors, no matter what religion they follow.
Middle Eastern societies are formed mainly by Muslims population; Christians and Jews lived within the societies and their customs are in many Middle Eastern countries similar to those of the Muslim sector.
I will be speaking mainly about Islam since it is the dominant religion in the area, and it influenced the lives of other religious sectors of the society.
Islam to begin with, is a peaceful religion. Its follower’s cohabited the area with the rest of the population peacefully, Christians and Jews felt safe and their communities flourished, adapted and adopted the Muslim’s life style.
Religions in General gave male the responsibilities of providing and protecting his family. Humans misunderstanding Gods words, used their interpretation to the male advantage.
In Islam, Male and Female are equal before God in duties and responsibilities, so why when punishments and rewards are equal, society treated men differently, why did it accept certain behaviors from its male component and condemned them from the female. This is where the misunderstanding of religious teachings is manifested.
Islam gave women freedom, gave them independence and total control of their finances.
It gave them right to work, to knowledge and to education.
It gave the women right to chose, accept or denounce a suitor.
It gave the woman right to end an unhappy, distressful marriage without consequences.
To put it simply, Islam gave the woman complete control over her life. respect, education, marriage, Finance and divorce, the women have it all under God's law.
Unfortunately, in ignorant societies those rights were abolished under the name of religion. Men abused their rights, they abused God’s teachings
For instance, many argue about polygamy in Islam.
Polygamy in history was a norm. Men married multiple ladies in order to have many sons. When Islam came it limited that arrangement to maximum of four and only under very severe circumstances. Such as the first wife blessing, fair treatment to all, and loving them equally and one can never love two people equally. Islam did not forbid multiple marriages at once, but made sure it is regulated and is hard to achieve. Male on the other hand chose to disregard the teaching and only accommodated the part of being able to marry four women.
Inheritance law by instance is meant to keep the family ties strong, to make the brother responsible for his sisters’ well being, to keep family closely knotted.
Religious teaching whether well understood and implemented or wrongly interpreted played a major role in shaping the Middle Eastern Male. Along with traditions and customs, the three different yet same religion followers of the area were shaped into very special distinctive characters.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Society Expectation
2-The society expectation
Families and society in general expect that the male provide and protect his family, his neighbors and the honor of his family and the society in general.
Any behavior that deviates from the norm and from the customs is unacceptable and punishable. So the male grows up with those responsibilities, as men carry the family name, honor and business.
A male role is to become the provider for his family, the protector of them and of their honor, and at the same time the person caring for their well being, as well as the trusted one. If a male fails to fulfill his obligation then shame descends upon him and society disrespect him, he feels isolated, ashamed and unwanted.
Families and society in general expect that the male provide and protect his family, his neighbors and the honor of his family and the society in general.
Any behavior that deviates from the norm and from the customs is unacceptable and punishable. So the male grows up with those responsibilities, as men carry the family name, honor and business.
A male role is to become the provider for his family, the protector of them and of their honor, and at the same time the person caring for their well being, as well as the trusted one. If a male fails to fulfill his obligation then shame descends upon him and society disrespect him, he feels isolated, ashamed and unwanted.
The History
1- How the history of the region affected the Middle Eastern men behaviors
The Middle Eastern region is strategically situated in the middle of all trade roads, the influx of strangers coming into the cities made the male population eager to protect their female, from changes, from other foreign males, from soldiers and wars and from exposures to different ideas and life styles.
As a result the women were confined to their homes; the opportunity of education and of progress was abolished, and the society changed from a flourishing one during the Omayyad to a closed ignorant backward one at the beginning of the 19th century.
The women position declined while the male gained strengths, they controlled their female lives, money and future.
Being uneducated themselves, working in trade (Damasenes are known to be excellent trade men) the men were unable to share trust or delegate power, the father held total control which is passed to the eldest once the father is deceased or retired.
The female role was confined within the walls of their homes. Some were not even allowed out of their homes during a lifetime. The mother is the dominant figure in the house, where sons and daughters in law shared their lives (rarely in wealthy families, the sons move to their own place).
The policies of governing the house lies in the hand of the mother, it is a blessing if she has a well balanced strong personality, to control the family, and make them live together, peacefully and in harmony.
The mother role subsides when the head of the family is present and she recedes to the shadows and he becomes the sole ruler. Sometimes she coheres and coaches him (look in how Middle Eastern female dealt with their male)
This carefully closed society, as a result of many wars and many foreign forces governing the area, succeeded in creating a distinctive male personality.
The Middle Eastern region is strategically situated in the middle of all trade roads, the influx of strangers coming into the cities made the male population eager to protect their female, from changes, from other foreign males, from soldiers and wars and from exposures to different ideas and life styles.
As a result the women were confined to their homes; the opportunity of education and of progress was abolished, and the society changed from a flourishing one during the Omayyad to a closed ignorant backward one at the beginning of the 19th century.
The women position declined while the male gained strengths, they controlled their female lives, money and future.
Being uneducated themselves, working in trade (Damasenes are known to be excellent trade men) the men were unable to share trust or delegate power, the father held total control which is passed to the eldest once the father is deceased or retired.
The female role was confined within the walls of their homes. Some were not even allowed out of their homes during a lifetime. The mother is the dominant figure in the house, where sons and daughters in law shared their lives (rarely in wealthy families, the sons move to their own place).
The policies of governing the house lies in the hand of the mother, it is a blessing if she has a well balanced strong personality, to control the family, and make them live together, peacefully and in harmony.
The mother role subsides when the head of the family is present and she recedes to the shadows and he becomes the sole ruler. Sometimes she coheres and coaches him (look in how Middle Eastern female dealt with their male)
This carefully closed society, as a result of many wars and many foreign forces governing the area, succeeded in creating a distinctive male personality.
Factors
the precise distinctive behavior of the Middle Eastern men can be attributed to many factors;
1. The History of the region
2. Society expectation
3. Religion influence and misunderstanding of its teaching (polygamy, divorce etc)
4. The upbringing
5. Women role ( mothers- wives- daughters and sisters)
6. The Image
1. The History of the region
2. Society expectation
3. Religion influence and misunderstanding of its teaching (polygamy, divorce etc)
4. The upbringing
5. Women role ( mothers- wives- daughters and sisters)
6. The Image
Terms & conditions
welcome friends and bloggers
I want to welcome you all to my first ever blog. (Psychology of the Middle Eastern Men).
Why did I chose the word Psychology;
By definition Psychology is the science of mind and behavior, it is the study of many topics which include: personality, behavior, emotion, motivation, perception and interpersonal relationships among other fields.
I put lots of effort and work into this still on going study or shall I say observations. I write this with utmost respect to our other half of the society without whom we cannot survive, therefore, a little more understanding of each others behavior and thinking is in order.
I welcome your participation, comments and corrections. as well as your experiences, stories and perceptions provided it will enrich our discussion and my research; without offending or disrespecting other individuals opinion.
I want to welcome you all to my first ever blog. (Psychology of the Middle Eastern Men).
Why did I chose the word Psychology;
By definition Psychology is the science of mind and behavior, it is the study of many topics which include: personality, behavior, emotion, motivation, perception and interpersonal relationships among other fields.
I put lots of effort and work into this still on going study or shall I say observations. I write this with utmost respect to our other half of the society without whom we cannot survive, therefore, a little more understanding of each others behavior and thinking is in order.
I welcome your participation, comments and corrections. as well as your experiences, stories and perceptions provided it will enrich our discussion and my research; without offending or disrespecting other individuals opinion.
who I am
Hi,
My name is Nada, I was born and raised in Damascus, Syria. I grew up privileged in terms of being raised in a good, well educated, influential family. Both of my parents were lawyers, my mother is an accomplished writer as well. I grew up in a family of girls, and my parents made sure we were not intimidated in a society where male has all the privileges. I was taught from early age that male and female are equal, in rights and responsibilities. that respect is an essential pillar in treating people regardless of their origins and backgrounds. and that education is our tool to succeed in life.
I got married and moved to the states, and then to Saudi. I am still moving back and forth between the 3 countries, through my traveling and work, I got exposed to different societies, cultures and customs. Eventually, this colorful life got me interested in analyzing people behavior and in writing about this particular subject.
I hold a degree in Dental Surgery (DDS). I also taught for ten years in BISJ (the British International School of Jeddah) in Saudi Arabia.
My name is Nada, I was born and raised in Damascus, Syria. I grew up privileged in terms of being raised in a good, well educated, influential family. Both of my parents were lawyers, my mother is an accomplished writer as well. I grew up in a family of girls, and my parents made sure we were not intimidated in a society where male has all the privileges. I was taught from early age that male and female are equal, in rights and responsibilities. that respect is an essential pillar in treating people regardless of their origins and backgrounds. and that education is our tool to succeed in life.
I got married and moved to the states, and then to Saudi. I am still moving back and forth between the 3 countries, through my traveling and work, I got exposed to different societies, cultures and customs. Eventually, this colorful life got me interested in analyzing people behavior and in writing about this particular subject.
I hold a degree in Dental Surgery (DDS). I also taught for ten years in BISJ (the British International School of Jeddah) in Saudi Arabia.
Introduction
As we progress in history we clearly see how societies changed from maternal to paternal model, in some part of the world we can see some remnant of the maternal era, and in others like in the Eastern regions of the world, we clearly see the dominance of the Male in the society.
I like to begin by stating the following: to many people I am not qualified to write about Middle Eastern Male psychology, and I am not. I simply started observing and comparing male behaviors, and came up with the idea of writing about it, all what is written below is from observation and a personal point of view, from talks with friends and acquaintances, and I have no scientific claim and no written research references about the issue at hand. (Although I couldn’t find any reference about the subject when I did my search)
During the process of growing up, one starts contemplating, analyzing and looking deeply into the psychology of behaviors of the people surrounding him.
Being an American from a Syrian upbringing, living for a long period of my adult married life in Saudi while my husband pursued his banking career, and meeting people from different part of the world, especially from different Middle East countries, made me over the years contemplate the idea of writing about the psychology of Middle Eastern men. Why did I come with this idea??
Simply because Middle Eastern men psyches differs from the Europeans or Americans.
I like to begin by stating the following: to many people I am not qualified to write about Middle Eastern Male psychology, and I am not. I simply started observing and comparing male behaviors, and came up with the idea of writing about it, all what is written below is from observation and a personal point of view, from talks with friends and acquaintances, and I have no scientific claim and no written research references about the issue at hand. (Although I couldn’t find any reference about the subject when I did my search)
During the process of growing up, one starts contemplating, analyzing and looking deeply into the psychology of behaviors of the people surrounding him.
Being an American from a Syrian upbringing, living for a long period of my adult married life in Saudi while my husband pursued his banking career, and meeting people from different part of the world, especially from different Middle East countries, made me over the years contemplate the idea of writing about the psychology of Middle Eastern men. Why did I come with this idea??
Simply because Middle Eastern men psyches differs from the Europeans or Americans.
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