questions

Everything I wrote about the Middle Eastern Male is written from a women point of view, I was hoping to hear the male side, do they agree with my analysis??
most of the feedback came from women, from different age and social settings,
I only have one feedback from a male friend regarding Love, being hurt in love made him afraid to trust his feelings again, he locks his feelings deep and tries to ignore them, married not out of love but into convenience.
Aren't we all afraid of being hurt again??
Is denying our feelings protect us from being hurt??
Does one experience dictates the norms??
Is the fault of one person results in branding all the same??
Is the feelings of another woman in love with you considered void?? scary or dishonest?

here are some questions for you males, to answer..

waste free

I came upon an article in the Ann Arbor news about an experiment by a U of M, PhD student trying to live waste free for a year, people are going green all over the world while in the Middle East we are reversing the roles, we consume more, produce trash with pride, and care not about the environment, recycling is unheard of, conserving water and natural resources is not considered, many people live below poverty line, they actually live from the rich waste, what an irony!!

in countries that used to be rich in agriculture and had good water resources, situation had changed to drought, poverty and ignorance. what a shame!!

When people of the Middle East wake up and embrace education?? when will they put aside laziness and work hard to improve their living situation, when will they start investing in their natural resources wisely and not put it to waste, whether it is Oil, Gas, Water, Agriculture or Tourism industry??

Addictions

there are strange addiction, you can look at it at:
http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/my-strange-addiction-the-expert/pwf2zl9
addiction to tanning???

Addictions

Addicts seek ultimate satisfaction, which can be achieved momentarily followed by regret, frustration and a strong urge and need to reach ultimate pleasure and happiness.

The vicious circle never ends, and the whirlpool sinks a person even further in the deep water of addiction.

Whether fulfillment is achieved through food, sex or drug, or from acquiring new items, the satisfaction doesn't last, an impulsive urge to have more and to achieve a state of pleasure grab hold of a person to the point of not being able to fight these urges any longer.

When a person succumb to these needs he becomes an addict.

It takes a lot to stop lighting this cigarette, not to eat a delicious cake, to ignore a beautiful shoes in a window..
And these are considered socially acceptable addictions.

Do you consider any of the above mentioned addiction socially acceptable??
What harm in your opinion they might cause to the person, family and society in general??

Addictions

Addiction is a wide subject to talk about, It was a subject I discussed with my students few years back, their immediate answer to what is addiction was about substance addiction, Although in reality Addictions are many, and society acceptance to these addictions varies.
if we are to list addictions, of course we will start by the obvious, and I invite you to join in the discussion regarding this important subject. chose an addiction and write about your views.
I will list some forms of addiction, and the subject is open to discussion from many different points of view, whether it is from a social, religious, medical or economical aspects.
in my personal opinion, any thing in life that takes hold on a person is an addiction
there are many different forms of addictions, like Drugs, Alcohol, Medicine, Food, Sex, Tobacco, Gambling, Shopping,
some of these addictions are taboos, while others are accepted in societies, despite the devastating results affecting the person or the family or the society at large.
some issues are easy to discuss, like food, Tobaccos and has been talked about extensively, while others are taboos, ignored and not mentioned, maybe they will cease to exist like sex, or substance addictions,
I wish to hear your opinion regarding this matter, as long as discussion are conducted in a respectful way.
How is this subject related to my research,
I want to venture into different forms of addictions, try to explore society acceptance towards it and its bias in dealing with male and female addictions
looking forward to hear your comments

Note

A note,

The blog content is a study to help us understand causes and factors affecting the development of a specific group, each and every human being is the product of its environment, I used personal observation, readings, stories told from many different women with different socio-economic background to come up with my analysis. I appreciate all comments whether it differs or agrees with my research and views.

thank you for visiting and reading


Nada

Conclusion

Conclusion


What is Society?


In simple terms society is a group of people living together and following certain customs and laws, therefore a cultural, economical system is created. The customs are man-made, while the laws are either God’s imposed laws or man-made laws.

God’s laws always direct man towards being noble, doing good deeds and decent behaviors,
In the Middle Eastern Countries, Shari'a and civil laws are followed.
Islam enforced social and behavioral laws. EX: marriage, inheritance and trade, while civil laws cover all aspects of life for societies that don’t implement Islamic Shariaa.


In my opinion, people are products of their societies and environment, therefore the Middle Eastern men psyche is a direct result of him being part of the Middle Eastern societies. Any special characteristic or flaws in his personality are attributed to his upbringing and society imprint.


Women play an important role in shaping and molding the young males into the final product, A mother enhances certain behaviors and customs while raising up their sons.

In my own opinion, in order for a change to happen then the women of the Middle East should change the way they bring up their children, the way they treat their husbands, and their overall attitude.

It is the women who raise the boys to become the men they are, Mothers are an important factor in molding the personalities of their off springs. They have to stop being hypocrites and address issues that influence the well being of their kids, if the women of the Middle East start to analyze their behaviors and correct the biased approach while raising up boys differently than girls, of favoring the boys, of accepting certain behaviors from the male while denouncing them strongly from the female, when mothers implement righteousness and denounce hypocrisy then this will become the first step in producing a more balanced society.


I also believe that the financial independence of the women gives the women better choices and self assurance and enforces their respect and strengthens their roles in the family unit. An educated independent mother has better abilities understanding and dealing with issues that cause flaws in their children psyches.


On a final note, Education is the most major factor in shaping up new societies, in eradicating old customs and unjustified behaviors.


While doing my research, the most common complaint I heard from women, from different age group, education, and experience was (MALE CONTROL), Whether these women are in their late 70s or early 20s, their stories were similar one way or another. A Middle Eastern man is the sole pharaoh in the family, his orders are obeyed and his commands are un-discussable, some are more extreme than others, when women are working and contributing to the household income, the situation improves slightly but still in the Middle East the man rules unchallenged.



The issue of Male Control reflects an important part of the Middle Eastern men psyche;


The Middle Eastern male need of total and complete control over members of his immediate family as well as obtaining their obedience and forbidding any discussion on any given issue, is attributed to upbringing, social expectation, image and male ego.


This attitude results in creating a gap between the head male and the rest of the family unit; their lack of freedom and their inability to decide, or discuss any aspect of their lives whether social, educational or financial leads to feeling of oppression and resentment, which in return affect the well being of the whole family.

Middle Eatern men and accepting support

Middle Eastern Men and accepting support


For a Middle Eastern male asking for emotional support is a sign of weakness, and it affects his image.

Support is accepted but not asked for, in certain extreme cases, like a death in the family, severe illness or nasty divorce.

The support networks used in the west are unacceptable in the Middle Eastern culture; support network comes from immediate members of family (father, mother, brothers, and uncles) and very close friends.

A Middle Eastern male is expected to show strength, and to handle life issues without showing any hint of weakness. If he happens to need family support, it is available briefly; he is expected to recover quickly and to resume the strong image he should convey to people around him.

Growing old

Growing old


As the Middle Eastern male grows older, and starts to lose control, when he retires and delegate power to the next in line, his approaches and treatment to his female partner become one of possession and complete reliance. She is the only manifestation of power left and he is not relinquishing that.

The male becomes the new baby in the household; he wants to be pampered, he throws tantrums, and he expects everyone to be there to answer his whims, in his mind he earned it and he deserves all the obedience and good treatment due to his many sacrifices and long working hours as the provider.

As the old saying goes, everything gets exaggerated when one grows old,

This means that all the male superiority ideas pounded in the Middle Eastern male while young, gets amplified with old age.


Note: in my personal opinion all male shares the feeling of superiority over their female counterpart, but in civilized societies male behavior got masked and laws are written to protect the women as well as to prohibits improper behaviors and domestic violence, as well as improper behaviors and remarks in the work place, although female wages and promotions are still considered below those of the male.

Women Success

Women success


It is sad to watch the Middle Eastern men being threatened by his wife, sister or even business partner success, to see to what extremes he goes to put her down, to stop her success and to demise her. This behavior is the result of the male upbringing and the society expectation of him being the sole and main provider for the family.

When a woman becomes successful in her career, it might reflect badly on her male partner, form one point of view it might put him in an inferior position as the sole provider, or it reflects his fear of not being the sole controller of family matters, whether social or financial.

The female success threaten male ego, position and image in the society especially if they were both working in the same field or if the female job was superior to her partner, in this case the Middle Eastern Male uses all his power to put her down and push her in the shadow. A female success is only tolerated where it does not reflect badly on her partner or it does not minimize his career and if it is related to few field of work.

A woman success reflects her abilities, her intelligence, her power and her independence. Which in turn reflect that she is no longer inferior to the male, whether that male is a partner or a colleague. This causes a threat to the male ego and status. When threatened the male uses all his destructive weapons and means to relocate the female to its proper place according to his beliefs.

In a recent BBC Documentary about Syrian School, one male stated:
Why should we care about her education, whether she becomes a doctor or a lawyer she will end up in the working in the kitchen!!!

This reflects the masses attitude towards women’s success. The lack of respect of women achievements and the low expectancy out of the women population, even though in many cases women surpasses their male partners in knowledge, achievements and social behavior.

Losing Respect

Losing respect of your Middle Eastern man


The worst development in a relationship is when the woman loses respect for her partner, whether it is respect for him as a person or respect of his thoughts and morals.


The married couple relationship goes through many changes as it progresses; some of these changes involve concerns about the partner personality, habits, morals or other people’s influences,

When the male treats his wife rudely, and shows lack of respect for her in private and out in the society, the wife consequently, loses respect for him and replaces it with fear and bitterness.


There are many reasons for a woman to lose respect of her man, when the man acts weak, indecisive, uncertain, and is strongly influenced by his surrounding, the wife goes on the defensive and loses her respect. All women always look for strength in the male, and have high regard with a man with a solid personality.



When the Male shows these sign of weakness, when he is rude and ungrateful, when he is constantly discontent and nagging .when he is lazy or incompetent, if he is stingy or lacks social manners, then the female tends to lose respect and assume responsibilities .

When the male has compromised morals, and have ethical problems, when his approaches to work and family and society in general lack ethics and standard. then not only has his wife lost respect for him but the society in general.



And when a Middle Eastern man loses his wife respect, he reacts by finding ways to punish her, instead of solving the problems that led to such conclusion in the first place.

Middle Eastern men and weaknesses

Middle Eastern men and dealing with weaknesses


The Middle Eastern men hide their weaknesses by raising the voice, blaming others for their incompetence, claiming past victories, ignoring the subject, getting angry, harassing people of lesser status or power.


These mannerisms does exist in all human negative behavior towards failure or a weakness, but it is more observed in the Middle Eastern culture.


Since weakness feature is not acceptable the best way to hide one’s weakness is to become loud, as a sign of forcefulness, others will retreat once faced with unnecessary loudness, to avoid confrontations or to avoid a well known maniac, in result, that person’s self esteem grows and thinks that overcoming his weakness by being loud was achieved. Or if that person has some insight, understands the results of such action and uses it in future situation to hide his flaws.


Weakness is not tolerated for the male in the Middle Eastern society, it falls out of the image boundaries. A male who conveys signs of weakness is not respected by his colleagues, friends or family. Therefore a male will find alternative ways to hide his weaknesses or insecurities; and sometimes fails to understand that strong characters don't need unnecessary forceful approaches to impose themselves

Middle Eastern men and friendship

Middle Eastern Men and friendship – same and opposite sex


Middle Eastern males bond strongly in a male friendship, as long as the relationship stays away from two areas: Family and money. These are taboos issues, the Middle Eastern man keeps his male friends out of his personal life, away from his family, unless the friendship involves both families, still, the relationship between the male and his friend’s family is governed by strict rules.


Male friendship thrives and grows into a strong form of social network, they help and support each others in time of need, they discuss politics and the world news and finance, they share funny moment but they never go into deeper personal issues, these issues are private and off limits to even close friends.


A Middle Eastern male should preserve his image, even with his closest of friends. He conveys strength, , dependability, and fun. Never shows any sign of weakness or need. The friends support come in time of personal tragedies like death of a parent or sibling, severe illness, divorce etc


As for friendship between the Male and Female of the Middle East, this is still a social taboo, especially if the woman is married; A married middle eastern man may think to have an innocent friendship with a female colleague, but when it comes to his wife having a male friend all hell rises. That implies that his way of perceiving friendship with female, are not completely pure.


Friendship among male and female is more acceptable among the Christian section of the society, as long as they are not engaged or married, once the woman gets engaged to be married she is expected to cut short her male friends and only befriend her husband’s friends in a family outing.


The society still condemn mixed friendship, the fear for honor still dominate the society views, A girl having male friends is looked at as an easy girl, society does not accept such a woman. In a closed society where sex dominates the relationship between male and female, thinking of an innocent true friendship is hard to achieve.


Very few families are open to mixed friendship; social standing and education play a role in the acceptance of such relationship.

Middle Eastern men and honor

Middle Eastern men and honor


Honor in the Middle East is a matter of life and death. It is highly regarded.

An honorable man is a man of his word. An honorable man is a man who keeps his family safe. An honorable man is a man society respects and fears. An honorable man is the highest attained accomplishment.

So what happens if the man’s honor becomes questionable?

To defend one’s honor, the Middle Eastern society allows their male population to go the farthest they can go, even to murder those who dared break the code of conduct. A crime defending honor is considered honorable by itself.

All females in the family are part of the man’s honor. That includes the mother, wife, sisters and daughters, even cousins are considered part of a man’s honor, any words or action spoken against those females, any improper implication, any suggestion or allegations of minimal indecencies prompt severe reactions and deadly consequences. When the honor of the Middle Eastern man is challenged he became irrational and loses all objectivity and sensibility.

Middle Eastern men and abuse

Middle Eastern men and abuse


Abuse comes in different shapes and forms, form physical abuse to domestic violence, to verbal insults and moral abuse.

Treating women badly, making them inferior to men, verbal abuse, demoting and downgrading women intelligence is demeaning and degrading to the female population in general.

A Middle Eastern man has the freedom of abusing and injecting violent behavior on his family without society interference, in most cases when the male is overwhelmed by conditions outside his home he finds a refuge in taking it out on his wife and children, and sometimes even abuse them knowing that he will not be punished for such a behavior, although, religious teaching state otherwise, but wrongful understanding and society tolerance for such behaviors gave men the upper hand.

Sexiest Male jokes are demeaning to the female status; those jokes are wildly acceptable among the males in the Middle Eastern society. (Same as the blond jokes in the west, where most females are blond and smart and those jokes are demeaning to say the least)

Middle Eastern men and Love

Middle Eastern men and fear of love:


In the eyes of society; a male who admits Love has a flow of character, the Middle Eastern man should avoid the trap, could not trust a woman, and finds it hard to show emotion. And whenever he is falling for a woman, he revises his approaches and denies his feelings and tries to escape; Fearing from the surge of emotions, and fearing to sin.
This fear is the result of his upbringing, society pressure and lack of proper understanding of religion.


The Fear of commitment after a bad relationship is a general feature in all human being, but couples it along with the huge ego of the Middle Eastern men, and then the issue has a deeper effect.
The ego as well as the fear of showing the sentimental part of their personalities coupled with the fear of showing any weakness or hurt or need for others. As a result, the ability of Middle Eastern men to trust diminishes and all past learned experiences are applied towards new ones, despite the new partner intention or lack of knowledge of prior experiences.

Middle Eastern men and arguments

Middle Eastern men and arguments:


It is such a precious time to sit and watch few men discussing any issue in a social environment, to hear the tone of their voices rising to make their opinion heard, the loudest is the one who wants others to follow his lead and the most stubborn and might be the less educated on the matter of them all.

It is fascinating to hear the stubbornness in male arguments, to see their inability to accept or to hear others opinion, it is almost impossible to conduct any discussion. For example: When Middle Eastern men are arguing differences or opposite point of view on any political issues one can not hear objectivity and calmness, all there is to it at the end is raising voices and deeper differences. one can see this clearly in any Arab political TV broadcast

The inability to conduct an argument in an objective and serene manner is seen in all aspects of daily life, from home, to work, to negotiations, to politics.

At home it has a devastating effect on the relationship between the male, head of the household and his wife and children. It is where this inability to hear the other comes in strongest, the male knows he is the sole ruler and the final authority, knowing so gives him more power to exercise and enforce his own views, on any daily life subject. from visits to career choices

Oriental (Arab) Men!!!

I came upon this blog, interesting

Oriental (Arab) Men!!!

More Issues

More issues to discuss


Middle Eastern men and Arguments
Middle Eastern men and Fear of Love
Middle Eastern men and Abuse
Middle Eastern men and Honor
Middle Eastern men and Friendship (same and opposite sexes)
Middle Eastern men and accepting Support
Dealing with Weaknesses
Women Success
Losing Respect for your Middle Eastern male

The Image

6- The Image:

This is the final component in the factors shaping the Middle Eastern male personality.
Personal Image is important for every human being; people market themselves through their image. How one is perceived and how one is portrayed and how one likes other to see him are the major component of personal image.

In Business, A company looks for smart, energetic, sharp, elegant, self assured person to hire, to portray the company’s image and to reach to the masses. But sometimes image deceives, what the company wants us to think is not what it really is, and that goes for people in real life situation too.


For Middle Eastern men this is no difference but image holds a priority; as well as that the Middle Eastern society obliges their male’s image to reflect certain values. That is why the image here holds a bigger more important aspect to it; the Middle Eastern man image should be one of a strong, powerful, knowledgeable, mature, funny, family man, one that people seek for advice and favors.

A perfect image where any remote hint of failure is not allowed, any normal or medium achievement are considered as failure in the society, only success is expected from all population!!! Isn’t that ironic, where most of the population only achieves failure by global standards!!

Unfortunately, even those with limited mediocre qualities, think of themselves as perfect, and behave accordingly, which makes it even harder for people around them to confront them with the truth and the reality, such confrontation is unheard of in the Middle Eastern culture. One can mimic, joke and criticize but never in the face of the person in question.

As one can expect, the image here reflects personal achievements, a young Middle Eastern man is eager to achieve success, each and every ones regard success from his point of view, but it mainly contains quick financial success. The unduly success usually leads to arrogance, and to the envy of others, this lethal combination usually leads to decline and failure eventually. (The rise and fall of a shiny star).

Unfortunately, The Image concept varied and deviated from its original target, where it was supposed to give incentive to become a better human being, to have strong values and to apply those values in each and every aspect of life, we now see that image only promotes personal gains despite ethics and values. We see young men using all means to reach fast monetary and materialistic rewards despite the fact of their ineligibility for such rewards; Or of their lack of ethics.

Approaches: depression

8- Depression:

As a result of failing many different approaches; Many female become depressed as a result of a lifetime full of rejections and undermining her humanity, her abilities and her intelligence.
Depressed women are frequent in the Middle Eastern societies. They rest their arms, and stop fighting and let life role, without them being neither participants nor movers.

Approaches: palyful approach

7- Playful approach:


Many women are brought up and taught to use the playful approach with their male to achieve their means. Using sexual approaches to achieve female purposes are a common way Middle Eastern women use. It may sound degrading to my ears and to many non- Middle Eastern readers but in a closed society where sexuality issues are taboos and where sex dominate and rule, it is only natural for an unprivileged woman to use it to her advantage, to ask for her needs, and to achieve supremacy in her relation with her male.

Approaches: Direct Approach

6- Direct approach:


The least successful approach is the direct approach. Middle Eastern men don’t like to be confronted whether by certain realities or differences of opinions or by their mistakes. A woman who chooses this approach is either at her wits end or naïve enough to think she can discuss matters in a civilized way and achieve results. Men in such cases use one of two strategies, either listen and ignore (let her talk, it changes nothing) or becoming violent and dismissive (the less educated and polished males)
Very few regard honesty and truthfulness in the direct approach as the easiest and the most respected approach, in my personal opinion when a woman really respect her male, honesty and truthfulness are the only way of dialogue.

Approaches: Defiance

5- Defiance:


Is the suicidal approach, it rarely pays off, unless the male is in need of his woman, then she uses her approach to her benefit knowing that finally she can defy the male dominance and break it down. This approach indicate two different scenarios:
One that is the woman lost all respect to her male and uses his need to her advantage;
Or that the female was pushed to a point of no compromises, and then outcomes and consequences don’t really matter.

Approaches: selfishness

4- Selfishness


A selfish woman uses her manipulative powers to their utmost capabilities. Only when the male counterpart has very low self esteem, and has an extremely weak personality a relationship thrives. A selfish woman cares only about her needs and happiness and uses her male to accomplish her needs regardless of the outcomes. A male might keep the relation going but eventually looks for happiness and dominance and pampering in other venues

carelessness note

Other reasons than being financially and socially secure, sometime getting older and life experience prompt the women carelessness towards her male partner, or simply the woman has exhausted all means, burned out and can't give any more to the relationship.

Approaches: carelessness

3-Carelessness:


A careless approach to male dominance is rarely seen, when a woman chooses this path, she stops caring about her male. And in most of the cases relationships are destroyed, A Middle Eastern male does not accept a relationship where he is not cared for, pampered and obeyed.
A woman who chooses such approach is financially secured, and is able to survive socially and financially without any fear.

Approaches: manipulation

2- Manipulation:


Which is the largely used approach, where the female is outsmarting her male, knows how, where and when to run their lives the way she intends to run it, it takes a smart woman to understand and use her male weaknesses to her advantage, it also takes a lot of patience and planning, unfortunately it is a waste of a lot of positive energy. Most males on the other hand enjoy, know and understand the process and give in willingly and happily. It is a special dance between the two, where each knows and understands and accepts the rules. This reflects the infantile side of the male psyche where he shows his need to be guided and looked after, tended and nursed. (Mothered)
Women use different manipulative techniques ranging from lying to tearful approaches to pretending ignorance and incapability

Approaches: obedience

1- Complete and total obedience:


Which is the approach mostly preferred by men, where the women completely obey his rules, never discuss or argue, never contradict, and regard the male as the total and complete master of the household, and bring up her children in the same way to regard their father as the one and only authority. In such cases the female is brought up in a very closed and severe household, many are inferior to their male counterpart, socially, financially and educationally. The women in such household cannot fetch for themselves, and have no mean to survive without the protection of the male in their lives. Women who refuse to be completely obedient may end up with severe psychological disorders and depression. Others who accept their destiny and are thankful for the male providing are happy and believe that their homes are their heavenly kingdoms.

Women approaches

Ways Middle Eastern women follow in their approach to their men:


although while talking about those approaches I deviate from the Male to Female behaviors, still by doing so one can realize the impact and results of these approaches on male psyche.
I will list them below and then go in details later

1- complete and total obedience
2- manipulation
3- carelessness
4- selfishness
5- Defiance
6- Direct approach
7- playful approach
8- depression

The Women

5-The women


The women in the eastern societies are equipped with the skills and expertise and experiences to understand, comprehend and deal with their male.
When females fail to do so, then it will cause them difficulties until they learn and are well acquainted with the right approaches. Unlike the simple direct approach used in the western societies, a female in the east should avoid the direct straight approach unless it is an extreme necessity, simply to make life easier for her, and to be able to achieve the desired results.
Boy that is a lot of work!!
We should keep in mind that being in the wrong is equivalent to failure for the male psyche.
How is a wife, a sister or a daughter had to deal with such situations? How can a smart woman approach her loved male and explain to him that admitting being wrong does not mean failure,
How can the female approach him in the first place, here are the many ways Middle Eastern females use during their lives, and that lead us to the old saying: “husbands are the products of their wives handling”
Before enlisting the different approaches, I want to state a personal opinion.
I may not approve of the indirect approaches, I wasn’t and I always chose the direct one, for me it meant self respect and respect for my husband’ intelligence. But truthfully, the winners were the women who understood the Middle Eastern male psyche and used different approaches.

the Upbringing

4 -The upbringing


In our society the male is brought up to be extremely confident and self assured –that is the goal-, this upbringing may cause an opposite results and the male becomes insecure, whatever the results turned out, whether becoming a person with a strong personality or an insecure person, the male in the middle eastern society will not submit the fact that he may be in the wrong, or that there might be other ways to achieve the same goals, or that each person is entitled to his or her own opinion no matter of the outcome, in his own opinion there is no ways better than his own, and no other opinions matter, even when the realities prove him mistaken, it is extremely rare that we can see the male admits to be incorrect or changes his ways or approaches.
The rule of thumb in the eastern societies is; never confront a male of his mistakes.

This leads me to the upbringing issue

Growing up I used to hear the eldest in the family saying:

Your husband is the product of how you treat him, while your son is the product of how you raise him

This is proven to be absolutely true.
The psyche of the Middle Eastern male is the product of their mothers many mistakes in their upbringing, as well as the product of the society that influenced male righteous strong image.

For example:
When a little boy falls down and comes running crying to his mother’s lap, she firmly tells him;
A man never cries.
You are too strong to be hurt from this little fall. A man feels no pain
A man shows no pain,
A man does not display hurt
If a little boy is scared from the dark or from a big dog in the neighborhood, or from strange sounds at night, the response will be
A man shows no fear
A man is never afraid

In my personal opinion, this is extreme. This little boy grows up to become a man with too many incorrect expectation, his psyche is loaded with wrong approaches, these saying are engraved in his soul, and growing up he starts applying them in all aspects of his life. It will be hard for him to show fear, to show emotions, to admit being hurt, to admit ignorance. What make matters worse is that he is completely unaware of all the flaws in his personality.

Which leads us back to my question: how a smart woman will approach her male??
The key word is SMART.
Smart does not necessarily mean an educated person. It is about being socially smart, understanding the male psyche and knowing how to deal with it. And that leads us to the fifth component affecting the psyche of Middle Eastern men.

religon article

I came upon this explanation while browsing the net, and I found it quite interesting and worth adding in this section, it confirms my views about misunderstanding religion and its affect on the Male upbringing and behaviors.

This BBC article prompted the author reply, although BBC reporter touched some truth but failed to scratch the surface of the Syrian society

Please read the link below

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/8460522.stm

The religion

3- The religion


Religion is always the victim of ignorance. Misinterpretation of religious teachings within ignorant societies leads to wrongful application of their teachings.

No matter what religion a Middle Eastern male is from, his behaviors, expectations and dominance stays the same.Simply because the society is mostly governed by customs and not by religious implementation.
Apart from worship and family laws that differ from one religion to the other, people of the Middle East lived according to customs.
Ex: Honor crimes were practiced amongst all sectors, no matter what religion they follow.

Middle Eastern societies are formed mainly by Muslims population; Christians and Jews lived within the societies and their customs are in many Middle Eastern countries similar to those of the Muslim sector.


I will be speaking mainly about Islam since it is the dominant religion in the area, and it influenced the lives of other religious sectors of the society.

Islam to begin with, is a peaceful religion. Its follower’s cohabited the area with the rest of the population peacefully, Christians and Jews felt safe and their communities flourished, adapted and adopted the Muslim’s life style.

Religions in General gave male the responsibilities of providing and protecting his family. Humans misunderstanding Gods words, used their interpretation to the male advantage.
In Islam, Male and Female are equal before God in duties and responsibilities, so why when punishments and rewards are equal, society treated men differently, why did it accept certain behaviors from its male component and condemned them from the female. This is where the misunderstanding of religious teachings is manifested.

Islam gave women freedom, gave them independence and total control of their finances.
It gave them right to work, to knowledge and to education.
It gave the women right to chose, accept or denounce a suitor.
It gave the woman right to end an unhappy, distressful marriage without consequences.
To put it simply, Islam gave the woman complete control over her life. respect, education, marriage, Finance and divorce, the women have it all under God's law.

Unfortunately, in ignorant societies those rights were abolished under the name of religion. Men abused their rights, they abused God’s teachings
For instance, many argue about polygamy in Islam.
Polygamy in history was a norm. Men married multiple ladies in order to have many sons. When Islam came it limited that arrangement to maximum of four and only under very severe circumstances. Such as the first wife blessing, fair treatment to all, and loving them equally and one can never love two people equally. Islam did not forbid multiple marriages at once, but made sure it is regulated and is hard to achieve. Male on the other hand chose to disregard the teaching and only accommodated the part of being able to marry four women.
Inheritance law by instance is meant to keep the family ties strong, to make the brother responsible for his sisters’ well being, to keep family closely knotted.

Religious teaching whether well understood and implemented or wrongly interpreted played a major role in shaping the Middle Eastern Male. Along with traditions and customs, the three different yet same religion followers of the area were shaped into very special distinctive characters.

Society Expectation

2-The society expectation


Families and society in general expect that the male provide and protect his family, his neighbors and the honor of his family and the society in general.

Any behavior that deviates from the norm and from the customs is unacceptable and punishable. So the male grows up with those responsibilities, as men carry the family name, honor and business.
A male role is to become the provider for his family, the protector of them and of their honor, and at the same time the person caring for their well being, as well as the trusted one. If a male fails to fulfill his obligation then shame descends upon him and society disrespect him, he feels isolated, ashamed and unwanted.

The History

1- How the history of the region affected the Middle Eastern men behaviors


The Middle Eastern region is strategically situated in the middle of all trade roads, the influx of strangers coming into the cities made the male population eager to protect their female, from changes, from other foreign males, from soldiers and wars and from exposures to different ideas and life styles.

As a result the women were confined to their homes; the opportunity of education and of progress was abolished, and the society changed from a flourishing one during the Omayyad to a closed ignorant backward one at the beginning of the 19th century.

The women position declined while the male gained strengths, they controlled their female lives, money and future.

Being uneducated themselves, working in trade (Damasenes are known to be excellent trade men) the men were unable to share trust or delegate power, the father held total control which is passed to the eldest once the father is deceased or retired.

The female role was confined within the walls of their homes. Some were not even allowed out of their homes during a lifetime. The mother is the dominant figure in the house, where sons and daughters in law shared their lives (rarely in wealthy families, the sons move to their own place).
The policies of governing the house lies in the hand of the mother, it is a blessing if she has a well balanced strong personality, to control the family, and make them live together, peacefully and in harmony.
The mother role subsides when the head of the family is present and she recedes to the shadows and he becomes the sole ruler. Sometimes she coheres and coaches him (look in how Middle Eastern female dealt with their male)

This carefully closed society, as a result of many wars and many foreign forces governing the area, succeeded in creating a distinctive male personality.

Factors

the precise distinctive behavior of the Middle Eastern men can be attributed to many factors;

1. The History of the region
2. Society expectation
3. Religion influence and misunderstanding of its teaching (polygamy, divorce etc)
4. The upbringing
5. Women role ( mothers- wives- daughters and sisters)
6. The Image

Terms & conditions

welcome friends and bloggers

I want to welcome you all to my first ever blog. (Psychology of the Middle Eastern Men).
Why did I chose the word Psychology;
By definition Psychology is the science of mind and behavior, it is the study of many topics which include: personality, behavior, emotion, motivation, perception and interpersonal relationships among other fields.
I put lots of effort and work into this still on going study or shall I say observations. I write this with utmost respect to our other half of the society without whom we cannot survive, therefore, a little more understanding of each others behavior and thinking is in order.
I welcome your participation, comments and corrections. as well as your experiences, stories and perceptions provided it will enrich our discussion and my research; without offending or disrespecting other individuals opinion.

who I am

Hi,

My name is Nada, I was born and raised in Damascus, Syria. I grew up privileged in terms of being raised in a good, well educated, influential family. Both of my parents were lawyers, my mother is an accomplished writer as well. I grew up in a family of girls, and my parents made sure we were not intimidated in a society where male has all the privileges. I was taught from early age that male and female are equal, in rights and responsibilities. that respect is an essential pillar in treating people regardless of their origins and backgrounds. and that education is our tool to succeed in life.
I got married and moved to the states, and then to Saudi. I am still moving back and forth between the 3 countries, through my traveling and work, I got exposed to different societies, cultures and customs. Eventually, this colorful life got me interested in analyzing people behavior and in writing about this particular subject.

I hold a degree in Dental Surgery (DDS). I also taught for ten years in BISJ (the British International School of Jeddah) in Saudi Arabia.

Introduction

As we progress in history we clearly see how societies changed from maternal to paternal model, in some part of the world we can see some remnant of the maternal era, and in others like in the Eastern regions of the world, we clearly see the dominance of the Male in the society.

I like to begin by stating the following: to many people I am not qualified to write about Middle Eastern Male psychology, and I am not. I simply started observing and comparing male behaviors, and came up with the idea of writing about it, all what is written below is from observation and a personal point of view, from talks with friends and acquaintances, and I have no scientific claim and no written research references about the issue at hand. (Although I couldn’t find any reference about the subject when I did my search)

During the process of growing up, one starts contemplating, analyzing and looking deeply into the psychology of behaviors of the people surrounding him.

Being an American from a Syrian upbringing, living for a long period of my adult married life in Saudi while my husband pursued his banking career, and meeting people from different part of the world, especially from different Middle East countries, made me over the years contemplate the idea of writing about the psychology of Middle Eastern men. Why did I come with this idea??

Simply because Middle Eastern men psyches differs from the Europeans or Americans.