As we age we gain wisdom, and we become less tolerant.. we dont tolerate arrogance, stupidity and false pretentions ..

Old age

With the advance of medicine, median age rose and people are living longer and healthier life, society in general is changing and we are faced with new problems and can’t find solutions fast enough. A very enlightening book I was reading “ Being Mortal” addresses old age. Older population needs compassion and respect as well as stability and good medical care, nursing homes are not the answer to many of us, especially those from the Middle East and the sub continent, my parents generation were brought up expecting that family will always be there to take care of them in the old age, yet life has changed, many don’t have their children living in the same area, nor same country. Others may have their children and their spouses working full time and struggling with their own needs whether financial, emotional, social, or simply finding enough time to do all that have to be done. So taking care of a parent is an additional burden to their already hectic life. On the other hand, many elderly, want to preserve their independence and freedom, refuse to become a burden on their kids and their families. Yet, help is needed but not in the form of nursing homes or assisted living centers. Another problem we face in immigrant elders, is the deterioration of their English language. As I observed in many around me, people revert to their mother tongue, so communication becomes a problem, for both the elders and the staff in nursing homes or hospitals. Medicine can help improve physical aspect of life, but what about the rest, we are faced with a serious problem. What to do? And how can we manage our old age? Do we have enough savings to be financially independent? Our savings might not lasts us more than couple of years in nursing homes, which many don’t accept to live in. We are faced with a dilemma, how can we give our elders their wishes, maintain their lifestyle, maintain the semblance of independence while living our own lives uninterrupted somehow. In modern age, it became very difficult to share a home with a parent, long term care causes financial and emotional burden, having three generations living under one roof is a problem. To be frank living with an elderly is not easy, they want attention, they repeat stories, they interfere, they need help, they refuse to use their hearing aids.. to name a few of the complaints one hears from the other members of the family.. one often hears them say, I want to live my life. On the other hand, the older generation, they expect family to care for them, they immigrated and lost many of their peers, they have few friends, they started losing their English proficiency and at one point in time they can’t live alone and they refuse the nursing homes option. So what to do? In many of the Middle East and subcontinent countries, the problem can be solved with a hired living help, a driver, and relatives dropping by now and then. Hired help are more affordable and even round the clock hired nurses.. is the reverse immigration then is the solution? It’s more feasible financially, and our elders keep their dignity..BUT.. they live away from their kids. And it breaks their hearts, unless it was a decision made by themselves. So here is the dilemma.. For years, I’ve been saying to my friends, we need to find a solution for our old age. We need to establish a place where we can be together, where we won’t be a burden to our children, where we can have the help we needed at a reasonable financial cost, where we will have our dignity, independence and friends with mutual backgrounds and interest. Retirement comes too early, and most live for 20-30 years after retirement. Do we have enough savings to live a comfortable life. Does having our own elderly community resorts help? Can we afford it? In my opinion, quality of life matters. Medicine may give us few more years of life in dependency. Is it worth it? What do you think.. how to solve these issues.

I was hoping to interact more with other people when I started my blog, I was and still am looking forward to read your comment, before I carry on and write some more.
Some are analyzing my motives and experience. to those I say, please send me back your opinion, I have no motives but to share my thoughts />

Many homes and churches around Ann Arbor have the one human family sign, welcoming the refugees and supporting our Muslim neighbors. I have mixed feelings regarding this sign, it feels good to know many people see us (PS: I am an Arab American Muslim, born in syria) as humans, but yet different.. which lead me to think, that what we fear most is the unknown, and in order for us to conquer our fear we should seek knowledge.. and that applies to all aspects of life, it applies to people, faiths, customs, etc.. only death stays the unconquerable mystery that none of us humans can know, so we fear it. During the last 20 years, misconceptions and ignorance about one particular faith, Islam, fueled fear, hatred, division.. wars and violence in the Middle East contributed badly as well, certain acts of terrorism, embraced by certain groups injured the image of many millions of innocent people of the Muslim faith, I don't argue that many muslims are poor, uneducated and ignorant of the real teaching of their faith. many confuse customs and habits with religion. Therefore they portray a bad image, same as of the people on the other end who are ignorant as well of anything outside their contained sphere, so it is easy for them to judge harshly and succumb to fear of the other, fear of other's customs or way of life, fear of other faiths, fear of those who are different in looks, in habits, fear of foreigners, of immigrants, of refugees.. we need to free ourselves and conquer our fear, by simply reading about others, meeting them as humans, understanding that politics is the reason for the wars and division, and bridging the differences.. when the British came to America, fleeing poverty andsome fleeting religious prosecution of the Catholics, we called them pioneers, when many Europeans and Jews fled the war, we called them immigrants and survivors.. why then are we calling the few hundred Syrians refugees? Branding them differently , telling them you are here temporarily. Why then did we bring them here to begin with? If not to help them live a better life, embrace them in the society.. the people we called refugees and refused to integrate in societies are the Palestinians, governments plead it is to keep their cause alive, not to make them forget their land.. keep the dream of returning home burning.. some of those Palestinians, were born and died, not being part of the counties the lived, loved, worked, married and had children in. Just to keep the cause, to make them miserable by not belonging.. imagine if we had kept the Irish in the states as refugees.. wouldn't that become a problem.. I believe the earth is big enough for all of us to live happily, if only we learn how to share and not to judge. I would like to talk more about faiths, about wars..maybe in my next post..

if you like someone, like them for who they really are, not for how you like them to be. don't judge and keep your mind open, every person is different than who we are, and no one can change anybody to become an image he/she painted in his mind for the other person

questions

Everything I wrote about the Middle Eastern Male is written from a women point of view, I was hoping to hear the male side, do they agree with my analysis??
most of the feedback came from women, from different age and social settings,
I only have one feedback from a male friend regarding Love, being hurt in love made him afraid to trust his feelings again, he locks his feelings deep and tries to ignore them, married not out of love but into convenience.
Aren't we all afraid of being hurt again??
Is denying our feelings protect us from being hurt??
Does one experience dictates the norms??
Is the fault of one person results in branding all the same??
Is the feelings of another woman in love with you considered void?? scary or dishonest?

here are some questions for you males, to answer..

waste free

I came upon an article in the Ann Arbor news about an experiment by a U of M, PhD student trying to live waste free for a year, people are going green all over the world while in the Middle East we are reversing the roles, we consume more, produce trash with pride, and care not about the environment, recycling is unheard of, conserving water and natural resources is not considered, many people live below poverty line, they actually live from the rich waste, what an irony!!

in countries that used to be rich in agriculture and had good water resources, situation had changed to drought, poverty and ignorance. what a shame!!

When people of the Middle East wake up and embrace education?? when will they put aside laziness and work hard to improve their living situation, when will they start investing in their natural resources wisely and not put it to waste, whether it is Oil, Gas, Water, Agriculture or Tourism industry??